So, after prayer and a never-ending search, you finally found that special someone. But due to unforeseen circumstances, you end up living far from the person you have fallen in love with. No matter how much you care for each other, a small part of you surely worries about how or if your relationship will last the distance between you.
It is no secret that long-distance relationships are probably one of the most challenging things to “get right”, and these types of relationships don’t always survive their winter seasons. However, I would like to comfort you by telling you that at one stage D’Niel and I were in a long-distance relationship for 6 YEARS! Of those 6 years, we were married for 2 years and parents for 1 year (and Miss SA and Miss World happened in between). This time in our lives was not easy; however, we made it through.
Here are 3 things that worked for us and helped us to make a success of our long-distance relationship. I hope that our experience can be of value to you too.
1. Commit to each other!
From the start, D’Niel and I decided to commit to each other and knew that we were in it for the long run. We chose each other and decided to trust, be gentle, and put in the hard work.
The distance between you could urge you to think about the future of your relationship. Is this it? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person? Are you ready to commit? Because you spend so much time apart, long-distance relationships can be filled with doubts, fears, and even jealousy. If you are sure you want to commit, verbally affirm one another frequently. These affirmations minimise uncomfortable feelings and clarify where you two stand as a couple.
Tip: The next time you speak to your partner, tell them how much you value and adore your relationship, and assure them that you are committed. Furthermore, don’t hesitate to seek affirmation if you are unsure of where you stand. It’s as nice to say, “I love and respect you and wish we could be together today,” as it is to hear it.
2. Build a strong foundation
D’Niel and I knew that our relationship would be rock solid if we could stand this test of time (and distance). We used this time to develop a strong foundation built on good communication, unconditional respect, and patience for one another.
We believe that ultimate growth happens at the border of support and challenge. As wonderful as it is to be together all the time, it is also important to be independent and have a life apart of your relationship. Developing individually as well as together helped build a very strong foundation for us. To feel connected yet independent, communicate as much (or as little) as you need to. We are currently in a time where we have 24/7 access to one another. If you and your partner are in a long-distance relationship, dedicating much of your spare time to catching up might be an excellent idea. However, it is important to remember that it could be good to use some of your spare time to be alone or with your friends.
Tip: It is crucial that you and your partner talk about what you would like to develop as a strong foundation for your relationship. Find what works for you as a couple because there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to relationships. Furthermore, be willing to adjust your communication styles as life brings about new and unanticipated demands.
3. Live in the present
D’Niel and I had to learn how to live in the present and decided to embrace every season and moment of our relationship. When we were together, we were together! We focused on each other and let go of any distractions. We tried not to overthink the goodbyes but instead saw them as an opportunity for the heart to grow fonder again.
When you live apart, you can’t always be there to give each other a hug of comfort or physically attend each other’s milestone events. Therefore, long-distance couples need to respond to each other’s attempts to connect with more thought and be present in each other’s lives even when you are not physically there.
Tip: Since you can’t always be there in person, make the call or talk with your partner a priority, just as you would any business meeting or doctor’s visit. Put in the effort to be thoughtful and pre-emptively call or text your partner if they had an important day to see how it went.
—–
In conclusion, I would like to remind you that a long-distance relationship could be a blessing in disguise.
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” – Ephesians 4: 2-4
3 very helpful things. Will defnitely try it. Thank you for sharing these things you went thru with us.
Thank you for your feedback. Please let me know how it goes 🥰
Amazing blog…. I have been following you and D’niel for quite some time, what stands out for me is the fact that you are human even though you are living in lime light you keep your feet flat on the floor & do not take on the title as celebrity in spite of all your achievements.
As partners you are truly inspiring and is taking me back to my marriage every time digging in deep to make sure we are on the right track. Been married for 8 months now and baby boy arrived early not on my time but in God’s time.
I sort of had it all figured out was very independent & always had the plan. The big dream was always to do my own thing but most of all to really leave footprints & to be someone to look up to. I was very independent could take care of myself treated myself on regular basis (I was single at that time) was single for 2.5 years before I met husband.
I got retrenched in C19 and then went into survival mode just to pay bills and not actually living anymore.
I am part of a family business now, it has a very positive side & negative side.
My income has fallen dramatically & finances is challenging me to the next level.
The urge to be something or do something (the dream) is still there. Husband wants me at family business he is next generation to take over. We were blessed with an beautiful baby boy who might be the next one to take over if he interested.
Somewhere along the line I got lost in the background & lost my va va voom to be an successful entrepreneur.
It just feels that I ran out of plans.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. I believe you will find your va va voom again if you make it a priority 🐞
Hi Rolene, ek is n weduwee vir 7 jaar en n vrou van 54. Ek praat met n man nou vir n jaar in England en ek is in Kemptonpark. Ons het “ontmoet” deur n kennis. Praat elke aand. Hy het heelwat sake wat sy aandag verg voordat ons mekaar fisies gaan ontmoet. Glo my baie moeilik vir ons altwee. Daar is definitief gevoelens van albei en kom baie goed oor die weg. Sukkel met die onsekerheid.
Ek hoop alles werk mooi vir jou uit. Baie sterkte!
Thank you this really helped me as I am also in a long distance relationship and showed me that we have been approaching it in the right way.
I’m glad this blog could help. All the best 🐞
Trust was the cornerstone of our long distance relationship.
Yes, I agree, trust is very important 🙌🏻.
Hi Rolene! Dankie vir hierdie inspirasie en bybelversie. Ek is 9 jaar geskei met 3 kinders en na baie gebed vir n maatjie het ek iemand ontmoet wat my elke dag uit my maag uit laat lag, my breed laat glimlag maar hy bly in Pretoria. Jy gee my moed om die amazing persoon n kans te gee tenspyte van afstand tussen ons. Beide het kinders op skool met involved ouers so trek op die oomblik is nie vir beide van ons n opsie nie want ons wil beide stabiliteit vir ons kinders gee. Dankie vir jou inspirasie. Ek vertrou in die Here se tyd en plan. Liefde Sanet
Hello Sanet. Dankie vir die deel. Ek glo alles sal uit werk soos die Here dit beplan 🙏🏻
Very insightful.
Thanks to both of you for making me believe that it’s possible.
Be blessed!