There I was, lying on the examination bed, holding my breath. My heart raced, not just with excitement to know that our baby was healthy, but with that one question I’ve been asked countless times after announcing our third pregnancy… “Is it a girl this time?”
We were at our 21-week detailed scan. I knew this moment would come, the moment we’d find out the gender. The sonographer gently placed the probe on my belly, and after a few seconds, smiled and said:
“Straight to heaven with you.”
Another boy.
D’Niel’s eyes sparkled. There was joy, familiarity, and something in me exhaled with relief. I know how to be a boy mom.
Yes, I had imagined tea parties, tying ribbons, and little ballet buns. But I had also quietly wondered about raising a Strauss girl in a public world that might wonder whether she’d follow in her mom’s footsteps. Miss South Africa, Miss World…
And yet, here we were, about to raise our third boy. I smiled. Because being a boy-mom? It’s the most wild, gritty, grace-filled adventure of my life.
Here are three lessons that have radically reshaped how I show up for my sons:
1. A Shoulder-to-Shoulder Relationship is a Mom’s Superpower
There’s something sacred about being invited into a boy’s world. A world of forts, bruised knees, superhero trivia, and muddy sports fields.
I used to think parenting was all about heart-to-heart chats (and there’s a place for that too), but I learned that boys thrive in shoulder-to-shoulder connection. Whether we’re building LEGO cities, hiking hills, or silently working next to each other, I’m learning that presence often matters more than words.
From the book Mother and Son: The Respect Effect, I discovered this gold nugget:
“You can be right in what you say, but wrong at the top of your voice.”
Respect is the “love language” of boys. Not the absence of rules, but the presence of calm authority. And here’s what broke my heart open: When asked if their moms love them, most boys say yes. But when asked if their moms like them… they pause.
So now, I ask myself daily:
Do my boys feel liked?
2. Power Doesn’t Come from Control
I grew up believing good parenting was about keeping kids in line. But then the book Loving Our Kids on Purpose completely changed what I thought I knew about parenting!
It taught me that self-control, not child control, is the starting line.
When one of my boys throws a tantrum, my “red respect button” gets lit up like a Christmas tree. But instead of losing my patience or temper, I’ve learned to say:
“I will listen to you when your voice is as soft as mine.”
Or, if they’re arguing:
“Sure, I’ll referee… but I charge R100 per fight. Ready?”
This humorous boundary shifts everything. Suddenly, they realize the cost of conflict. Boundaries, I’ve learned, communicate the value of what’s inside. It’s not about being passive (where only their needs matter) or aggressive (where only mine do). It’s about mutual respect. There are two people in our relationship, and both matter.
3. Freedom Trains Responsibility
We were created to be free, yet so many of us parent from fear. I feared my boys’ poor choices. But that fear was teaching them to be afraid of freedom.
Now, I offer choices wherever I can:
“Would you like to do your homework at the table or the couch?”
“Do you want to brush your teeth before or after the story?”
I make sure both options work for me. And when they make poor choices? I try not to rush to the rescue. I stay close, calm, and let natural consequences be the teacher.
Here’s what I want my boys to learn from their mistakes:
- That choices on the outside create hurt (or joy) on the inside.
- That they are capable of solving problems.
- That mom is a loving, wise guide, not the punisher to fear, but the helper to trust.
Being a boy mom isn’t what I expected, it’s so much more.
It’s learning that loud doesn’t mean disobedient.
That roughhousing is often their love language.
That underneath every tantrum is a heart asking: “Do you still like me?”
It’s the holy work of training up boys who become men of integrity. Men who lead with courage, serve with humility, and love with deep, spirit-rooted respect.
No, my life isn’t filled with princess tiaras and pink tea sets.
But it is filled with something far more sacred:
The honor of raising Kings for God.
PS: What has been some lesson that changed the way you parent forever?
*Disclaimer
Thank you so much for reading this blog post. There are days when I come home from the office emotionally drained and overwhelmed. On those days, I know these things, but my human nature often takes over. The wise guide I strive to be gives way to just Rolene, with all the faults and misjudgments that come from running on an empty tank.
Please know that everything I’ve shared in this post is something I’ve researched, implemented, tried, and tested. And yes, it truly works. But there are also days when these lessons stay tucked away in the “theory” folder as I continue to work on being the best boy-mom I can be, one imperfect step at a time.
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